Dealing with criticism

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Accepting criticism doesn't come easy to everyone. When I was younger I reacted badly to criticism. It's easy to take it personally when criticised, no one likes being told they're bad at things. But we all have room to improve, and constructive criticism helps us do this. The key to accepting criticism is sorting the constructive comments from the destructive.

Constructive criticism is helpful because it involves offering reasonable feedback in a friendly manner. When someone offers you constructive criticism they generally want to help you improve your behaviour or the outcome of your work. This is the kind of criticism we all benefit from, even if we don't want to hear it.

Destructive criticism on the other hand is not helpful. The intentions behind it often come from a bully looking to harm or destroy another person's work, reputation or confidence. Anyone who has interacted with the Youtube comments sections knows all about destructive criticism. Both ways point out faults, but one offers solutions, and the other attacks.

When faced with criticism spotting the difference between constructive and destructive will help you identify who you should and shouldn't be listening to. If you take on board every negative thing intended to hurt you it will eventually destroy you.

Don't react emotionally

Your first reaction is important because overacting at this point could turn a constructive discussion into something unproductive, limiting feedback from someone who was generally trying to help you. For destructive criticism it just verifies for the other person that what they've said has succeeded in hurting you. Your first reaction shouldn't be to get defensive or aggressive, try to prove the other person wrong, or try to turn it back on the critic by finding fault with them. If you give into your emotions you just guarantee that nothing beneficial is going to come out of it.

Remember all the positive things that can be gained from constructive criticism. It's an opportunity to learn and to improve your skills, the quality of your work, and your relationships with other people. Think about it, who do you like more? People that listen to you and appreciate your advice, or people that ignore you and shut you down when you try to offer an opinion.

Listen before you reject

You may not agree with anything that's been said and that's fine not everyone will be correct. Some will be lacking information, others will have incorrect information, and some may just have a bias against you or your work. However it's still important to listen before you reject feedback. Even if it's presented in an unconstructive way this may not have been the intention. Sometimes we think things that sound fine in our head, but when we actually say the thought it comes out much harsher than we intended. Not everyone is able to perfectly describe their thoughts and others may be nervous because when you critique others you invite criticism upon yourself.

For example someone criticising a presentation. That was a bad presentation there was too much information and it just went on and on and people stopped caring. The message they were trying to communicate however, is The presentation was too long. If you provided information in a more concise manner you could deliver the same content in a shorter amount of time which would keep the audience's attention. Two ways of saying the same thing, but one does it a lot better than the other.

Ask follow up questions

When asking questions to clarify a point or gather more information, try to avoid getting into a debate about who's right or wrong. Instead focus on questions that get to the heart of the matter and seek possible solutions to the issues presented. Instead of saying Well everyone else can read my writing fine the problem must be with you, try saying, You mentioned my last article was difficult to follow. I'd like to hear your ideas on how I could improve my writing, so it's easy to read for everyone.

We all love receiving positive feedback and getting glowing reviews because it makes us feel good. It's difficult to receive feedback about our weaknesses or tell others about theirs. But if you don't receive criticism, you don't know what needs improving. While it may hurt being told you're not as good as you think you are. It will help you improve in the long run.

If you have any constructive feedback about free to post it in the comments section. I'm always looking for ways to make this information better for everyone.

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